Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
