you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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