your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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