Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
