So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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