did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
