He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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