it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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