His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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