This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
