isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
