I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
