I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship