Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

(269): View more from Michigan

Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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(757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z

Replies (13) Good night (2424) Bad night (714)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.

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(920): The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila. http://tfl.nu/42di

Replies (8) Good night (1444) Bad night (3932)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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(870): It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis. http://tfl.nu/5xg0

Replies (5) Good night (1927) Bad night (1233)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

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(337): How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/ms4s

Replies (6) Good night (2776) Bad night (798)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.

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(828): Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times. http://tfl.nu/we9q

Replies (12) Good night (2872) Bad night (639)
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(734): View more from Michigan

he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'

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(734): he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?' http://tfl.nu/pjxw

Replies (4) Good night (2174) Bad night (891)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.

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(770): Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation. http://tfl.nu/ma0q

Replies (10) Good night (1366) Bad night (591)
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(406): View more from Montana

I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

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(406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs

Replies (19) Good night (2409) Bad night (886)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there

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(402): You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there http://tfl.nu/v9qy

Replies (2) Good night (1500) Bad night (352)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.

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(571): I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success. http://tfl.nu/s9uu

Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (323)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.

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(405): Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want. http://tfl.nu/hc2w

Replies (1) Good night (535) Bad night (227)
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(323): View more from California

Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Sure lol what's that?

(323): View more from California

Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Why?

(323): View more from California

Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (298)
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(310): View more from California

Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.

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(310): Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts. http://tfl.nu/j0t2

Replies (2) Good night (499) Bad night (249)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.

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(918): Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art. http://tfl.nu/zfiz

Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (234)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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(203): Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard http://tfl.nu/pmzn

Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (309)