apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.