WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
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I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.