At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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