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• (301): View more from Maryland

  She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  but she's really nice

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food

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• (682): View more from Texas

  While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

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• 

  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (951): View more from California

  Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk

  (813): View more from Florida

  Crosswalk actually

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  where's the fun in that?

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat

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• (607): View more from New York

  I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?

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