I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
