My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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