Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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