just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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