There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
handjob tips. give me some.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
