plz talk dirty to me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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