First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
