He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
