Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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