So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
