Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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