my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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