I'm lost and stupid without you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
