I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
