im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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