I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
