Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
