I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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