everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize