worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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