they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
