I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
