the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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