My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
