Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
