Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
and you fell through a lawn chair
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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