I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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