you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
