i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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