someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
