I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
