even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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