i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
