The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
