eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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