I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
