i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
