All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
