fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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