what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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