This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
