I wanna bring you to show and tell
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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