i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
