I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
