You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
