So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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