when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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