she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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