just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
