Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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