Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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