DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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