get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
