Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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