Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
