In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
