Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
