so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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