Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
