you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
