My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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