i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
