Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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