I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
