What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
