If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
