He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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