How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
