nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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