Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
