I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
