I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
