I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
